Two Kates, One Jesus and Many Headless Chickens

17Apr07

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Queen Kate, is a Queen no more. However I haven’t yet seen the royal courtier pinning the announcement to the palace gates now that there’s important news us Plebs need to know about.

Having been chased down the street by ‘buzzing insects‘ almost every day since she put a tentative crystal-slippered foot on those Palace steps, the nation held its breath. ‘How long will it take before she sees sense?’ “Will there ever be a monarch who chews gum at Sandhurst?’ If she really did say to QEII (the old bat, not the old boat): “Pleased to meet you.. er, Ma’am,” then she’s my kind of girl. Even better, the mum’s an ex-hostee (“Doors to manual“) and whom I understand from my own sources, chews gum too!

What stood out for me today in central London was the wonderful Evening Standard newspaper headline: “Kate – The strain shows: Picture.” This is commuter rush-hour-speak for ‘Buy our paper and we’ll show you a damned fine study of her looking not-so fine – all for your delectation on the Connex train home.’ At first I wasn’t sure if the lead story was about Kate, or Kate. Either it was Kate the not-posh-enough girlfriend of the King-in-the-wings or it was Kate the catwalking moll of shambolic Pete. It hardly matters and who really cares anyway? Just about every news organisation have been howling like urban foxes with any story about either women, whether stepping up for giddy monarchy or stepping out to dizzy parties. If there was a strain imposed on either lass it was because they had headlines – plus pictures – on every street corner but that’s media hypocrisy I’ll let go for now.

We watched Mel Gibson’s Passion of Christ (2004) the other night and endured two hours of a Jesus look-alike humping a cross through dusty Jerusalem. He didn’t half groan a lot (in the screenplay, certainly not in the Bible) and had every right doing so: ‘What did I ever do to the Romans?’ It was as pointless as the carnage that those puppy-faced foxes left of those decapitated chickens on Channel 4 last night. Carnage in the Biblical sense I was thinking, seems a bit tame these days after 9/11.

This window in Camden presented itself to me and I thought of the uber-vixen dispatched by a night-sighted air rifle, Jesus rising North a few days ago and the two very different Kates in their posh frocks – saving for the same pension plan.

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2 Responses to “Two Kates, One Jesus and Many Headless Chickens”

  1. Whilst William comes across as a decent you guy I believe that no matter who will catch his heart next time will suffer the same fate as Kate. If there is no news, then the Greatest Britain’s media will generate it, if it is true or not doesn’t matter. Kate should count herself lucky; she is now in line to meet an excellent young man that doesn’t come with a pre booked media and “Granny Package”….

  2. Granny package? My mind is boggling.


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